Change is in the air.

While we were eating dinner tonight, I said to Josh "When you give up control, you end up gaining it."

We've been spending a lot of time talking about parenting this last week. It's funny how we spend so much time making sure our marriage is healthy. We work hard to communicate openly and honestly with each other. But when it comes to our parenting we've been coasting for a long time. I won't say we've been bad parents and there is no condemnation for the mistakes we've made. It was just time to reevaluate our strategies. Time to seek some help and support and to be honest with our boys.

We spent the day with Mark and Lorrie on Sunday which was so needed. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have anyone out here who understands us, our history and our kids like they do. They helped us clarify and confirm some ideas. One of those things was to have conversations with the boys letting them know that we would be making some changes. No need to get into detail with them, but to just be honest and include them in the process.

As we drove home late in the night, Jonah fell asleep but Cason was awake and it was a great moment to talk to him. Then yesterday while Cason was at his new therapy playgroup, Jonah and I got to have a date. Both boys listened carefully but had no response. Maybe it's my imagination but I almost sense relief from both of them. In fact, I would say I already see glimmers of respect and trust growing.

Parenting is hard.

There is no place for selfishness. I wish I could say I've always known this, but I'm finally learning that nothing I'm doing is more important than them. I say that because I've been way to consumed with having my own space, whether in the kitchen or just in my head.

So change...on one hand we're learning to be stricter enforcers. On the other we're learning to let go. It's a tricky balance, but we were holding too tight of a leash in some areas, but not showing the authority we needed to in others. So we let go of control to gain it.