It's been said here more than once that my biggest struggle with having a child who has autism is patience. When I am feeling impatient everything goes haywire. When I am patient, life is calm, and Jonah is more flexible. Josh and I talk about it all the time how we have to work hard at being the adults around here. It's easy to get flustered, frustrated and irritable, instead of remembering that this is our child whom we love more than anything, who with our guidance can overcome his disability. We try to remind eachother and ourselves of this constantly.
Yesterday, Jonah watched videos all afternoon. I'll admit Jonah watches a lot of t.v. anyway, but with most of the house packed there is little else to do. He's figured out how to change the dvd on his own, so I let him watch what he wanted. It got close to dinner time and he asked for one more (he needs me to press play) and I said no. He got upset and started speaking nonsense and acting aggressive. I asked him to come sit on my lap so we could talk about it. He was fighting, trying to hit and kick with his frustration. This is what usually sends me to the boiling point, he's a strong kid and it hurts when he hits. I was praying in my head for God to just help me remember how much I love this kid. I was able to calmly tell him that it was okay to be upset that he couldn't watch another dvd, but that he needed to calm himself down. He was almost there when he backhanded me on the side of my face. I didn't lose it, didn't yell, just picked him up and took him to his room and told him he needed to stay there till he calmed down. I hate it that yelling is usually my response to these moments, so this was a great victory for me in dealing with a tantrum from Jonah. Now I know this paragraph is full of things that seem totally off with conventional parenting. That's the thing with autism, conventional doesn't work. I take responsibility for some of the aggression that Jonah shows, because he's seen it from me (not hitting of course!), by yelling I've only showed him it's okay to lose control. I needed to write this to give myself a reminder of what both Jonah and I are capable of. Lately I've started to feel afraid of Jonah when he's in a tantrum, I need prayers that we'll continue to work on this before he gets any bigger. For now, having victory over my impatient instincts feels great.
The other instance was today when we decided to go out and run some errands. Jonah was still in his jammies, but his jammies were just a normal pair of shorts and t-shirt, so I didn't suggest that he gets dressed. We got out to the van and as I was waiting for Jonah to buckle himself, he remembered that he was still in his jammies. I REALLY did not want to go back inside so he could get changed, and we are trying to work on him being more flexible, so I took a deep breath and told him that I thought he looked fine in what he was wearing. He seemed on the verge of a tantrum about it, so I repeated myself that I thought he looked great. He actually stopped himself and thought about it and said "Whatever! These will be clothes today, not jammies." Wow, what a huge relief and I was so proud of his flexibility. A situation like this would usually explode into a huge meltdown.