Enough already!

We all have limits, right? But what happens if you are stretched past your limit? Doesn't your limit just stretch a little farther? It has to, right? The alternative is just too scary.

I'm just putting this out there because I think we're just about at our limit and I am on my knees trying to survive. It's been a rough couple months. Lots of fighting between the boys and from them to us and all our best efforts to hold the peace are not really working. I wake up every day feeling like I'm going into battle.

Both boys have taken to being physically rough with me when they are angry. Jonah adds verbally abusive language to his anger. Cason just screams, hits me and sometimes tries to bite me. We even had a phase of hearing "I hate you" daily. From a six year old. What in the world am I doing wrong that deserves that? Thankfully he seems to have realized how truly horrible it is to tell someone you hate them, but I still get called names daily, told that I'm mean, that I'm bad. Sometimes it falls into the funny...yesterday Jonah tried to insult Josh by telling him that he was young and ridiculous. We're not perfect, but we do not talk to the boys or each other like that. I'm waving the white flag. We do automatic time outs for physical anger, but it's not changing the behavior.

If you're wondering what's setting this off, here's an example. I was in the kitchen a moment ago, putting some dishes away. Jonah asked me what was for dinner. I said lasagna. He started yelling at me that he wouldn't eat that. Lasagna is in his "foods i like" book. Something we tried to get him to engage in the idea of eating more than just pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, Pb & J, and hot dogs. By some miracle a few months back we actually got him to try lasagna and surprise...he liked it. But today he's yelling at me, "Lasagna is already in my foods I like book!" "I don't have to eat it again!" Pizza is also in the foods I like book, so it's not like once something goes in he never has to eat it again. So he's yelling and I'm still at the sink, so he comes over and starts head butting me on my lower back, it hurts. I took him to the time out chair and then started crying out of frustration. He asked me why I was crying and I said it was because he had hurt me on my back and his response was to tell me I was hurting his feelings by crying.

This was last night. This morning is no better. From the moment they woke up the boys were fighting. Jonah decided he was too tired to get dressed...it goes on. To add to that Rio is sick. Josh is on the phone with the vet now. We sent Tina back to the rescue people. She was overwhelming me anyway, but I thought it was safest if she went back so she didn't end up getting sick too.

We need your prayers.

Tina! Eat your dinner!

Freckles found his forever home yesterday during the adoption event. Last night Tina joined us for the week. We assume she's a Jack Russel/Beagle mix. She will keep us on our toes. She's lively, but so far has done okay with our correction.

Buddy of the Week....Tina.



Bonus points if you get the movie reference in the title.

Buddy of the Week

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we have decided to be a foster family for a local puppy rescue. It's a nice way to get Rio comfortable with another dog and we don't have the long term commitment. So I'm starting this series called the Buddy of the Week highlighting the adventures we and Rio have with our canine visitors.

We got our first pup yesterday.

Meet Freckles or Speckles (as Cason calls him).



Isn't he cute?! He's a pretty good pup. We'll have him until Saturday when the rescue is having an adoption event. I suppose there is a chance he could come back to us, but I don't think he'll have any problems being adopted.

Rio's loving having a buddy. What's not to love about having a smaller pup around that he can steal toys from?

And take naps with...



Ahhh, puppy love.

Spring Break

Spring break week felt really long and wasn't at all relaxing, but we did end it with a fun weekend. We forgot to bring our camera, so you'll just have to use your imagination. During our trip to Colorado Springs we....

1. Stayed in the Holiday Inn Express, which Jonah has been wanting to do since we moved out here. You can't beat the HIE continental breakfast.

2. Had dinner with an old friend and her daughter. Famous Dave's. It was messy, it was loud. The kids were a little crazy, Jonah was grouchy with Ellette (our friends 2 1/2 yr old), Cason and Ellette made up a song "Diesel 10 is destructing, Wooo". With we could've had more time to catch up, but it was still great to see Steph.

3. Went swimming twice. Cason was tentative but enjoyed it. Jonah didn't want to get in at all, until Josh coaxed him in and he learned that he could stand on his own in the shallow end. It was a big breakthrough for him.

4. Went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. We got up close and personal with the giraffes feeding them crackers (the zoo sells them). Cason was grossed out by their very long gray/blue tongues. We left the area just in time to avoid a mating in nature lesson. Cason's favorite was the little turtle that he got to pet. Jonah and I really liked the baby tigers. Their trainer was feeding them when we came by so we saw them being really active.

5. We also had dinner with Ed and Amber. Josh met Ed at his job at Della Terra. They graciously had us over for dinner and stuffed us with flank steak and baked mashed potatoes and the most moist carrot cake I've ever had. We enjoyed chatting with them while the boys entertained themselves in a toyless house. Honestly, I think not having toys around was good for them, they were a little crazy, but no fighting at all! Hmm??

6. We also made a couple stops at the parks in the area and let the boys romp. And as we do every time we go to Colorado Springs we drove around reminiscing at all of our old spots.

Distracted

This has been an off week, for several reasons which I don't feel like going into. One of the reasons has been completely resolved which feels great and I love being able to move forward. The other is still present and though I hope it's on it's way out of my realm, it's still keeping me from really being present in my life. That's my subtle way of asking you to pray for me, even though I myself find it completely annoying when asked to pray for an "unspoken" request. I'm just too curious. Sorry, though, that's all I can offer.

It's spring break around here. Jonah seems to have a little cold and Josh is working extra this weekend so we're not doing much. The boys are watching Cars for the second time in two days. We have a couple things to look forward to next week though. Some playdates and we're capping off the week with a trip to Colorado Springs. We're all excited about staying in a hotel, going swimming, a trip to zoo, and seeing some old and new friends.

Why I liked this weekend...

Yesterday Josh and I had a date for the first time since October. It's appalling. We will not let so much time pass again before we take some time for us. But it did make the three hours we had to ourselves yesterday very nice. It was a midday date so we didn't do anything all that special. We did stop by a puppy adoption drive and volunteer to be a foster home for dogs waiting to be adopted. It's crazy, but that's not all that far off from everything else we do. We've been dreaming about getting another dog, a buddy for Rio, but know it's not really the right time for adding another canine companion. Being a foster home means we'll have another dog around without much commitment. It's a week to week thing, so we can have an extra dog around for as long or short as we'd like. We think it'll be great for Rio. Fun stuff. In the coming weeks...lots of puppy pictures.

We also had a delicious lunch at a tiny little Thai place. Our first time trying Thai food and we really enjoyed it.

Today we're using the Daylight Savings excuse to be lazy. I took Rio for a walk. The guys are playing a game on the other computer. It's one of those mornings where just being together is cause for contentment. I love these kind of days.

For Mom

While my parents were visiting this past Sunday, my mom casually asked if I was thinking about getting the boys haircuts. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: Soo....are you thinking about haircuts? (While gesturing towards Jonah's near mullet.)

Me: Well yeah, I've been thinking about it for a while, it's the doing it that is stopping me.

Neither of the boys are very keen on having their hair cut. Last time it took a ton of post-Halloween candy to keep them sitting still. But last night Josh and I decided to take the plunge. We prepped the boys as well as we could and headed to Great Clips.

Surprisingly they both did exceptionally well.








Jonah....Before and After









Cason...Before and After

Thanks for the nudge, Mom!

Captivating

Earlier this month I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a few days in the mountains. Officially it was the Captivating women's retreat put on by Ransomed Heart, John and Stasi Elderidge's ministry. I went with some preconceived ideas of what would be in store for me. I'd heard enough of the experiences of others who have gone to this or the men's Wild at Heart Boot Camp to know that God usually shows up in big ways. I had this idea that if God was going to show up for me, I was probably going to need to be alone. Instead I was surprised at how He gave me moments where He spoke to me one on one and how He also spoke to me through the women around me. I know I'm safe in saying that the women who I shared a room with felt we'd been given a gift. I knew God wanted me to enter into relationship with these women. I felt Him pushing me towards them. I'm so glad I listened because the word that just sums up the whole experience is beautiful. I was so struck at how God makes things beautiful. My expectations were well exceeded and I think many layers of grime were peeled away from my heart.

I took a hike to this waterfall one afternoon during the break time.



On another break I took a drive up a dirt mountain road which dead ended at a ghost town. Along the way there were thousands of Aspen trees. I definitely want to go back next fall and see this when the Aspen are turning.



Five of us from our room. You are grouped with people who live near you geographically so we were all from Colorado. I've already gotten to spend some time with one of the ladies who lives here in Fort Collins, and I'm really looking forward to a reunion with everyone in the near future.

Sickness

We've had one really sick little boy around here. This was our first real experience of not giving antibiotics because his illness was viral, but boy it's hard to not feel like we want to just give him some anyway. I took him to a clinic and though we never really got a diagnosis my guess is that it's tonsillitis. He's just had a raging fever since Friday and tonsils that are HUGE with white spots on them. Poor kid is alternating between being totally miserable and then saying the cutest things while sounding like he has cotton balls shoved to the back of his throat. He's our cuddle-bug so he's been happy to just snuggle with me or Josh.

UPDATE: It became clear to me yesterday that we had travelled into the realm of a bacterial illness so I went ahead and got some antibiotics for Cason. It's slow but I'm seeing some improvement already. He's definitely back to being his active little self today.

Toothless Wonder

His tooth fell out a couple weeks ago, but it's still a good excuse for posting his cuteness.

A comeback attempt

Well I went and switched to the fancy iWeb program only to be frustrated with it most of the time. Then Facebook came along and started eating up all my creative energy (we all know FB is just a way to prove you are as cool as nobody ever thought you were) and the new Mac blog petered out. Then priority took over and we committed the .mac address to Josh's new website (www.southpawmasonry.com). So here I am back at the feet of blogger attempting to recreate what we once had. I make no commitments to this, I just miss having a place to jot this or that about my boys. Plus I think my non-FB parents will appreciate being able to see pictures again.

I've come all ready with a cute story. Yesterday Jonah and I were hanging out during rest time, just talking. He was asking me about all of my "favorites". He asked "what's your favorite flower?" Good, an easy one. I answer "Lilies." "What is your favorite flower, Jonah?" Without hesitation, my six year old boy replies, "hydrangeas." What, wow, really? Hydrangeas.

Making a change...

We have started a new website with new blogs for both Josh and I. If you didn't receive an email from us with the new address, and you think you should have or would like to see it, please email us.

What we've been doing...

It's a beautiful day here. Our landlord had our bedroom painted this morning so we decided to check out some local parks. As we were driving around, the sky was so blue. There was one stretch of very high cirrus clouds in the sky, they were so white and flat. I commented to Josh that it looked like someone had taken an eraser to that part of the sky and erased the blue out.

The first place we went to was called the Swetsville Zoo. Not your regular zoo though. A zoo of metal sculptures. It was best described as strange, but something that every new resident to Fort Collins needs to do at least once. We left there and went to one of our city parks that has a farm on it, aptly named The Farm. This farm had real animals. It wasn't all that exciting though either as cows, pigs, chickens, horses, goats and sheep do pretty much the same things in Colorado as they do in Indiana. It killed some time though. We had lunch in Old Town at a great sandwich shop named Elliot's Mess and got home for just enough time for a potty break before Jonah needed to be at school.

Speaking of school, Jonah is doing great. It's hard to get much information out of him, but he clearly likes going. His teacher says his favorite parts are the schedule and computer time. Jonah has taken to drawing on our computer at home, so it's not surprising that is enjoyable for him at school too. I love picking him up after school, he comes out in this mass of kids, usually kinda quiet like, then he'll look up and see me and his face lights up, then he runs into my arms for a big hug.

Last night we were feeling a little cabin fever and decided we had to get out of the house, so we decided to check out Fort Fun, a mini-golf, arcade, go-kart, batting cages place. Josh, Jonah and I (Cason rode through on my back) played a round of mini golf, and Jonah did pretty good for his first time. His form was lacking but his satisfaction at getting the ball in the hole was priceless. The sun set while we were playing and it was so pretty. Josh wanted to check out the go-kart track and got lucky as the teenage attendant was bored and let Josh and Jonah ride for free. They had a two seater, so Josh gave Jonah a thrill ride. It looked like a lot of fun.

We're looking forward to the weekend, making plans to get back up into the mountains.

Pictures..

A new favorite...

Yesterday morning we decided to do some more exploring. We've heard a lot about the Poudre Canyon, so we headed north out of Fort Collins to take a drive on Highway 14. Highway 14 goes through the Poudre Canyon, following the Cache La Poudre river. I'm officially in love with this river and I'm so glad we choose Fort Collins so we can spend a lot of time there. It's Colorado's first official Wild and Scenic River. That's definitely saying something for the beauty that surrounds this area. We stopped at the Hewlett Gulch trailhead and hiked around three quarter's of a mile up the three mile trail. Normally there is a mountain creek flowing along the trail (with 19 crossings), but being fall it was dry. We can't wait to do it again in the spring with the snow melt brings the water back. After that we drove a little further into the canyon and found a spot to hike down to the river and spent some more time throwing rocks into the clear water. No one got hurt this time! It started raining at that point so we decided to head back home. After arriving home, I realized we hadn't even gotten to the part of the river that is classified as "wild", so I can't wait to plan a day to go back and travel the whole length of the canyon. I'd really like to go all the way to Steamboat Springs which is 150 miles away, but takes 3 1/2 hours to drive because of the scenic, windy two lane highway. Anyone know of a Picasa-like program that's compatible with Macs so I can post pictures in a slideshow?

We drove out to Estes Park today to have some fun. It was busy there as there was a fine arts and fine crafts show going on. We had a great lunch and then set out to walk the street and do some shopping. I've had a cold the last few days and due to the dry air I ended up with a nose bleed. Luckily it wasn't bad and we continued shopping for a while after that. We decided that we wanted to get away from the crowds and find some place scenic for a while. The drive to Estes Park takes us through a beautiful windy road that follows the Big Thompson River. We pulled over at a park and started hiking.









The boys' favorite activity is throwing rocks in the river. We found a good spot and were having fun. Cason walked into the water and ended up plopping on his bottom. After that he stayed safely on the side. Josh and I had ventured out on some rocks to get a better look at the deeper parts of the water. Everything was fine until Jonah picked up a rock and cranked his arm to throw it, I didn't even see it coming, but I definitely felt it when it hit me on my mouth. For the second time today I was bleeding. So now I'm sporting a nice fat lip. It's split pretty bad on the inside, I'm just thankful it didn't split all the way through. Jonah felt very bad while I was crying, so I reassured him that it was okay, that he's just such a good rock thrower and I knew it was an accident. In the end, I think it's a worthwhile hazard to being a mom of boys. Better me than one of them.

Here we are after I had recovered a bit.

First Day of School

First Day of Kindergarten - 9/13/2007

I can hardly believe my little boy started school today. He was ready and excited to go at 9 o'clock this morning, it took some patience on everyone's parts to wait until it was time to go at 12 o'clock. We walked there together as a family.




Maybe just a little nervous.


The path through a natural area behind our neighborhood. The school is only about 1/2 to 3/4's of a mile away.

There was enough activity going on as we were waiting for school to start that I was able to hold off any tears that may have come. We drop him off right at an outside door to his classroom, so nice. Josh even got cornered by another mom to volunteer for a time slot running games at the Fall Festival on the 28th. I guess that will be a good way to meet people! The adaptive resource teacher came to help him out for the first 1/2 hour which was a pleasant and unexpected surprise.

Josh then went out to do some job searching and I relaxed in a very quiet house while Cason napped. The big snafu of the day came when it was time to go pick him up. I had planned on driving back so I could be there in plenty of time to meet him. I got Cason up and started searching for my van keys. Can't find them so I start looking for my purse thinking that's probably where they were. After some frantic searching I call Josh and ask if he knows where my purse is, he quietly says in my truck. Oh No! I take off walking as fast as I can with Cason in my arms, my Ergo was also locked in the van, so no hands free carrying for me. Luckily, even though I was sweaty and panting I made it to the school with time to spare. In fact more than enough time to experience how surreal the moment was standing in the midst of parents helloing and making plans, all the while I'm thinking how crazy it is that we just got to town a week ago and I'm standing there waiting for my son after his first day of kindergarten. It'll all have to hit me later.

His first day went great. His teacher said he did well. They went to the library today and he got to bring home a book. Sounds like his favorite part of the day was computer time as she said that was the station that he didn't want to be done with. She said the visual schedule for each day is written on the board, and that she was going to make a copy for him to have on his desk so he can reference it throughout the time there. I know he'll do awesome once he gets the routine down. He told me he met some new kids and I forgot to mention that we were told on Tuesday that there is another family who just moved from Indiana and they have a little girl who is in his class. Hopefully we'll meet them soon.

Quick update...

We have decided to go ahead and enroll Jonah in kindergarten. We visited the school this morning for a tour and then went back this afternoon to meet the teachers who be working with him and the principal. The kindergarten teacher is very kind, around our age, and seemed very dynamic. The principal and her asked us a lot of questions about our concerns for him and what they could do to help him transition into school. He will also receive assistance from what they call an adaptive resources teacher, so when they know there may be a situation that would be difficult for him she'll come assist him through it (i.e. the fire drill next week). The school also has para's so it's possible that after his 30 day evaluation that could be added to help him also.

The principal is a young guy, mid thirties. The first thing he said to Jonah was that he liked his name because it was one of his favorite Bible stories. We later found out he graduated from Messiah College in Pennsylvania. Very cool to have an openly Christian principal.

Another nice thing is the school is not that big. There are only three kindergarten classes, one full day, and two half day.

The biggest deciding factor for me in this was that I came to the conclusion that it would be more harmful to him to keep him out of school this year. Preschools in the area don't have programs for five year olds and even if we could find one to take him, we can't really afford that expense right now.

Jonah was frustrated with being at the school twice today and not being able to stay. He was ready to jump right in. He even let us give him a haircut tonight with no fuss because we told him it was a kindergarten haircut.

So it looks like his first day will be Thursday. We thought it would be good for him to ease in with two days this week, then there's no school Monday, so next week will only be four days.

I guess that wasn't so quick, oh well!

Need some specific prayers on something. The school system here is suggesting that Jonah start kindergarten. I wasn't planning on it until next year, but he is of age here in Colorado. The public preschool is resisting taking him because he meets the cutoff for kindergarten and I'm afraid most private preschools would be the same. I'm told the school he'd go to is very good and has resources for autistic kids. The would follow his current IEP for 30 days and then reassess his needs and add more support if needed. It would be an afternoon program, after lunch (one of my biggest worries for him). Would it be a big deal that he didn't start at the same time as the other kids?

I've only looked into private preschools briefly and the cost is high, but I'm sure I could do more research on this. I also have the name of the principal at the public school so I'll likely call tomorrow to talk to him and try to set up a time to come in and see what it would be like.

Jonah's been doing really well lately, amazingly well. I don't want to hold him back if it is time, but I also don't want to rush him if he's not ready.

Thoughts??

Not enough time

These first few days have been so busy! I'm really enjoying having Josh around, but also look forward to being back into a normal routine.

Our drive across the country went very well. Cason had some bad moments because he was teething, and because my kids don't drool (anyone ever heard of this before?!) that meant some nasty diapers along the way. The worst was on our last morning driving. I was feeling alittle melancholy that morning as it was sinking in how permanent this discision is and my mind was struggling with fighting my old tendencies towards anxiety. Cason had a huge blowout, all over him, all over me when I picked him up. Not fun! But despite feeling quite overwhelmed on the first two days, God is proving himself faithful every day.

Now that I'm not so tired, each day holds new experiences to enjoy. Yesterday we went to look at a sofa and loveseat at a garage sale. We saw it on craigslist and called, they said they were having a garage sale and the set would be out to be seen. I'll just say, God really works in mysterious ways. We got there and starting chatting with the gal selling it and find out she's a speech therapist. Josh asked if she worked for the school system, which she doesn't, but it led into him telling her that Jonah has autism. Jonah obviously talks alot and talks well (if a bit formal), but speech therapy has actually been recommended to us to help his language comprehension. She told us the organization she works for just got an autism grant and hired an autism specialist and that their services would be FREE to us. More than just speech therapy, the autism specialist will come to our home and spend two hours with Jonah and give us advice on things that concern us. Can you say amazing?! One of our goals for this move was to find therapy for Jonah, and God provided before the first week was done.

We bought the couch set too, but when we got it home, discovered that it was truly the ugliest thing we've ever seen. It at one time was a dark sage green, but has badly faded and is best described as camoflaged now. We're hoping for a quick turnaround sale via craigslist.

There is more from our first few days to write about, but I need to get up and going. Pictures of the kids from our time at Bounce! later.