It's starting to sink in how we can't change this. I was starting to feel like things were easier because of having more patience. Yesterday and today we realize that giving him more patience doesn't change him only us. But I'm still human and today I'm tired. I don't want to be patient. It feels horrible.

I wish it were easier to get past the appointments. I don't like being in limbo. At times I think we both doubt ourselves. Maybe we just haven't parented him right? Would it be easier to deal with if it were our fault? I don't know. There will be some comfort in having someone else, someone who has the creditials, telling us that it is Asperger's.

It's hard to wrap my mind around it all. If he were blind, we would tell people he's blind and they would know he couldn't see, simple. But to say he's mildly autistic, what does that mean? Being blind isn't a disease, it's a disability, just like this. Will people understand that his disability means he might act stubborn or rude or selfish? And that there's little we or he can do about? Will we have to announce it everywhere we go?