Busy days

We had a great Thanksgiving weekend. We met Josh's parents in Iowa and stayed in a cabin. It worked out really well with the four of us (Josh, me and the boys) all staying in the same room. Luckily the closet was big enough to put the pack n play in there so Cason could have his own spot. Jonah slept on a cot on the floor. The first night we didn't sleep much as the boys were adjusting but they were fine the rest of the time. Jonah did well, we're seeing that travelling is a little stressful for him, but he seemed to know when he needed some time alone and would retreat to one of the bedrooms for some rest.

We had our first appointment with the psychologist last Wednesday. It was very interesting and he asked a lot of questions about what Jonah was like as a baby. It's interesting to look back and see how there were signs even back then. Jonah was an extremely easy baby. He never fussed. I've always carried a bit of regret for scheduling his day because I thought it contributed to me not being able to breastfeed for as long as I wanted to, but now I can look back and see that it was the right thing to do. He would not have indicated hunger on his own. He was always content to be alone. I often thought he was having conversations with angels (still do) because I would come to his room and he'd be laying in his crib babbling away in his own language. The doctor did not indicate that he disagreed with our belief that he has Asperger's, though he couldn't confirm or diagnose anything because he stills needs to see Jonah. We took home some rating scales that are designed to give a strong indication for diagnosis for us and my parents to fill out, and he gave us a book to read about Asperger's. We'll be taking Jonah in to see him on December 6th. He also said he'd like to do some testing on him, but for him to do it is really expensive and insurance doesn't pay for it, so he was going to find some information for us to have it done through the public school system, which is free.

In other news, I had hoped to get back into a good routine today. Get some laundry done and organize the house a bit (it's time to get those Christmas decorations out!). But we were woken up at 5 a.m. by the sound of Cason vomiting. So we're taking things slow today. We'll head to the doctor a little later because I think he may have an ear infection on top of this flu bug. What's remarkable to me is that Jonah had this same bug at 17 months. I guess the experience helps because with Jonah I was totally freaked out by it.

After reading my last post I wanted to say a little more about Jonah's performance at the Thanksgiving program. I've done my complaining now I do some praising. He was so cute! I'm still getting used to this child in school stage and am definately learning by experience. Somehow these unwritten rules slip past me quite a bit, that is until I've experienced the embarresment of missing one. I had this trouble at their Fall party when all (most) of the other moms brought goody bags to share and I totally spaced it. Today was a matter of dress and photography. Though it wasn't everyone most of the other parents and children were dressed to the nines. It was as if they were going to the symphony. I was proud that I had managed to get my hair done and put some makeup on, ha! One little boy had a cute little courderoy suit with tie on. And I had realized about halfway to school that this was possibly one of those moments that the camera should've come along, but by then it was too late to turn back. Lucky for me every other parent was on top of their kodak moments, so I was able to ask another mom to catch of few of Jonah. But I was still very proud of my dressed down little boy. He seemed to sing the loudest, smile the biggest, and he had every movement memorized to the T. I even got big smiles from the other parents as they watched him. Some of Jonah's favorite school songs are The Itsy Bitsy Spider, which in their song includes itsy bitsy's friends teeny tiny, big fat, and speedy speedy, The Wheels on the Bus, and If You're Happy and You Know It.

Rough morning

We haven't figured out the trigger to it but there seems to be days where Jonah just digs in his heels and refuses to do anything we ask of him. This morning is a school day for Jonah. He loves going to school but today was a little different. Today was their Thanksgiving program so we didn't have to be there until ten o'clock. I don't know if he could tell the difference or not but it was all I could do to get him out the door. We got there and the program was great, he was wonderful, very animated singing the songs and I beamed with pride. There was a juice and cookies time in their main meeting room and that's when things really started breaking down. He started getting wound up and chasing and shoving some of the other kids. I was there by myself and holding Cason so there wasn't much I could do to settle him or remove him from the situation. Luckily Mrs. G saw this happening and got down to talk to him which settled him enough for me to convince him to go with me to get his coat. Once his coat was on though he refused to leave. I figured he was having a hard time because the routine of their day was completely gone so I suggested he hang out with Mrs. Graber for a little while. I asked her if she would mind watching him while I got my van and I could drive up for pick up like they do every day. She understood and we were able to go. He was still upset though. I let him know we were going to the post office because if I don't go the same way home from school he gets very upset. I thought letting him know in advance would help. It didn't. He freaked out when I passed the road we normally take and told me I had to go back, actually begged me to go back. I reminded him we were going to the post office and luckily there was a big shiny green semi truck behind us, so that appeased him a bit. When we got to the post office he wanted to stand by the wall where they have little trinkets for sale. I usually just let him hang out by that wall until I'm done waiting in line and ready to go and usually by then he's ready to go too. Not today, he again refused to leave. This time I didn't have a friendly preschool teacher to help me out either. So I tried every trick in the book. Nothing worked. After about ten minutes, the guy behind the counter took pity on me and offered me a sheet of stickers "if I needed a carrot to dangle in front of him". I thanked him profusely and did just that. Jonah was not grateful, and only became demanding about them, I gave him one sticker for getting in the van, though even that felt like too much of a reward. It's days like these that we just don't know what to do or what we're going to do.

Slow start to a busy week around here. I've got to get myself organized otherwise the rest of the week will probably not go well. Tomorrow is Jonah's Thanksgiving program at preschool. I got a preview of it last week while I was there for Jonah's snack day, but it should be nice to visit with the other moms. Then I have to work tomorrow night. Wednesday we have our appt with the psychologist. Thursday we leave for Iowa to spend Thanksgiving with Josh's parents. Inbetween all of that I need to do laundry and pack everything for the weekend, grocery shop for the things that we'll need for the weekend (first I need to make the list though), and make out lists for Christmas presents because for the first time I'm attempting to 1. shop early (yes this is early for me) and 2. shop on Black Friday. This website is helping me out www.bfads.net with that.

But it's almost 10 and we are still moving slow. Jonah's watching the Cars movie yet again while wearing his race car costume and Cason's playing in the play room. Ah, I've always been a believer in what needs to get done will get done even if it's at the last minute.

Well since a few people have been asking I thought it needed to give an update on how we're doing. We're doing good.

I guess there's more to it than that. We have just relaxed and decided to wait and see what may come. I feel little doubt that Jonah has Asperger's and look forward to beginning the process of learning how to better communicate with him. My only fear at this point is that we would have a hard time getting the diagnosis. I've been reading stories of parents getting wrong diagnosis' for years until the child is finally in 1st or 2nd grade and the current interventions still aren't working. Although these were all stories of children who are now pre-teens or teenage so I'm hoping there is more understanding now then ten years ago. At some point I'll post descriptions of the ways Jonah fits the diagnostic criteria.

We're having a good day. After a busy week we're having a lazy day. Well the boys are, I've been busy cleaning and doing laundry. But we are all still in our pajamas at one o'clock in the afternoon, so we're definately relaxed today. Hopefully Josh and I will have relaxing night too since the rest of the weekend is extremely busy. The rest of this year feels gone already, since the break in our schedules doesn't come until after the new year.

It's starting to sink in how we can't change this. I was starting to feel like things were easier because of having more patience. Yesterday and today we realize that giving him more patience doesn't change him only us. But I'm still human and today I'm tired. I don't want to be patient. It feels horrible.

I wish it were easier to get past the appointments. I don't like being in limbo. At times I think we both doubt ourselves. Maybe we just haven't parented him right? Would it be easier to deal with if it were our fault? I don't know. There will be some comfort in having someone else, someone who has the creditials, telling us that it is Asperger's.

It's hard to wrap my mind around it all. If he were blind, we would tell people he's blind and they would know he couldn't see, simple. But to say he's mildly autistic, what does that mean? Being blind isn't a disease, it's a disability, just like this. Will people understand that his disability means he might act stubborn or rude or selfish? And that there's little we or he can do about? Will we have to announce it everywhere we go?

Josh and I have been pouring over information on Asperger's these last few days. It seems like every conversation starts with "One thing I read..." Though it may be a little while before we have a formal diagnosis we both know in our hearts that this is Jonah. Over breakfast this morning I was telling Josh this is an interesting lesson for me in accepting that sometimes good and bad have to come together to have value. Though hopefully AS won't define every part of Jonah, the parts of him that we've always been amazed by are caused by the same thing that brings out the parts of him that we've seen as problems. Somehow it gives even more value to who he is. We are both glad that we didn't know about this until now. Had he been born and was diagnosed right away we may have taken for granted things that we love about him. When he learned all the shapes and could tell you how many sides each one had at 2 1/2 we might have overlooked it, saying oh it's just because of Asperger's. And when he acted out it may have felt like an affliction. Instead we still hold onto the pride and amazement for what he knows and can do, but are also finding a patience we never had before for the struggles.

What's happening as far as getting a diagnosis...We have an appointment scheduled with a psychologist for November 22nd to go over an extensive history of behaviors and to fill out some questionaires. After that we'll schedule a second appointment to bring Jonah in to be evaluated by the doctor. I'm also going to call his pediatrician on Monday. We're undecided yet about contacting our local Autism support group, we sort of feel like we should wait for confirmation.

A breakthrough week

It's only Thursday but this week has been one of those weeks that signifies a huge change to our life. It's like the week we got married, or the week we found out we were pregnant with Jonah, the week he was born, or the one we found out we were pregnant with Cason or the week he was born. One of those times when you realize your life is going to change. Having the knowledge brings joy, anticipation, and maybe even some worry.

For the last several months we've been searching for some answers to how to be the best parents that we can be for Jonah. We've read books, asked for advice, searched the internet and have come up empty handed. Until this week. Though Josh isn't even sure himself what made him think of it (the only explanation for us would be it was God prompted), on Tuesday he decided to research autism. I was working and as he searched things started to piece together, though not completely. When I came home he told me about his thoughts and I remembered hearing about a autism disorder called Asperger's Syndrome. As we have researched we have found that it is very likely that Jonah has Asperger's Syndrome. Some people discribe Asperger's as having a dash of autism.

The amount of emotions this realization has brought about for us is amazing. I'm starting this blog as an outlet for those emotions and as a place to tell our families journey.